You would like to continue your existence far, far away from this person but you do not know how to announce it without looking like a heartless monster? Here are some tips for break up with someone you love without spilling too much blood on the walls.
Being dumped is never very pleasant, but having to break up with someone is not a gift either.
Initiating a break up is all the same about potentially breaking the heart of someone we have loved and who probably still loves us — not my definition of a pleasure party.
Here are some tips for this ultimate stage of your couple’s life to be at its best.
Remember the reasons for the break up
If you read an article to know how to break gently, you’re probably a nice person.
So you do not need to flog yourself and feel guilty as if you were going to kill Gandhi.
Ruptures happen at all ages and for a billion reasons. To choose your words and be clear and precise at the time of the critical discussion, you can list the reasons why you want to separate.
Not to be confused with the list of what you blame your future ex, that you can very well do without communicating to him. This is about talking about you, your feelings, and the gap between your current life and your aspirations for the future.
You made this decision for yourself, and no one can blame you for working for your happiness.
This time of reflection can also be used to de-dramatize the future of the other.
This person has reached a reasonable age without knowing you and will now live a few good decades without you.
To break up with someone you love, it is better to accept the idea of hurting him. Of course, he/she will probably be at the bottom of the bucket for an instant, but the bottom of the bucket, we get out of it with time!
Do not wait until it’s too late to break up
To drag the business in length will not make your job easier and may hurt your old partner even more.
From the moment your first doubts emerge, you may go through a transition period until your final decision.
But once it becomes clear to you that this relationship is coming out of you, it is recommended to act quickly, as Lisa testifies:
“We must not wait for the vase to overflow. I could not leave my guy, although rationally I knew I was not blooming anymore.
It was only when I could not take it anymore, by accumulating lots of little things that were wrong, that one evening I left it.
For him, it came out of nowhere, but it was months that I went wrong, and it’s as if my heart had become frozen in the meantime.
If it was to do again, I would have explained before what was bothering me. I would have solved problems, and I would have done it with much more gentleness and empathy because he would have deserved it. “
Too bad if you had a weekend or a vacation planned. Someone who has already gone to something else in his head, it is.
Remain still weeks to have a dirty behavior because you can not more … is an evil that you can avoid.
Choose the right moment to break up
Once you have told him about your breakup, your ex will probably want to be quiet and calm and possibly crying buckets of tears.
So choose a moment where you both have time in front of you, in a calm and reassuring environment.
Avoid doing this while being stuck together in a wedding where he/she does not know anyone, or in a restaurant an hour away from home. You will thus spare him a path of public sobs, snot in his nose.
If you are alcoholic, there is also a good chance that it will not be the right time at all.
Wear her ovaries
If you want a successful break up, it should fulfill the primary conditions of respect and human dignity, as Jeanne recalls:
“I left my ex on Skype by sheer cowardice, and it did not make her happy.
It is best to wait until you have the individual in question in the same room, possibly in front of a good glass of wine, to end your relationship.
It’s a bit of the least. “
I, therefore, advise against the technique of ghosting, which consists of simply ignoring the other day or next, and the break by text or Skype, except the case of force majeure type remote relationship.
Even if you find yourself in a very unenviable position, now is the time to make your choice and put your ovaries on the table.
It may be reassuring to call on a friend to prepare the ground for your future ex, but the message must come from you.
Stay calm, breathe, it’s time to act.
Be clear when breaking up
You’ll probably explain to him why you think your duo no longer works, and I encourage you to be specific.
A breakup already tends to scrape the ego and your ex risk to fill all the shadows with negative thoughts about himself.
Go straight to the point and do not leave false hopes to your ex thinking that it will spare him. Ambiguity could only torture him a little more.
It is tempting to minimize your decision (and your guilt) by leaving open doors of the type ” But maybe we’ll get together again someday ” or ” We can continue to see each other as friends.”
NO, you want to separate. Your clarity will allow the other to move on and rebuild all the faster.
Friendship may come, in due time!
Respect Feelings while Breaking up
” Go, old man, one of lost, ten of found! Will not be your best punchline.
A minimum of empathy is required to smooth the pill. Even if you know that his life is not fucked. He will recover, respects the disappointment and sadness of the other.
An attitude too light and casual could hurt the person who is suffering in front of you.
Listening to what she has to say is also important and can help her move forward more quickly.
Leave this person alone now, thank you
You had to make a difficult decision, and it’s never nice to hurt someone you love (or loved). But you can not break someone’s heart and comfort him at the same time.
His family and friends are there to take over. So you can leave him alone and avoid making him crazy with texts stuffed with nostalgia and regrets, as advised by Marine:
“If you left her and it was difficult, do not come and remind him constantly by phoning her, begging her, sending her messages …”
And I’m not saying that because I sent my ex a text that ended with “I love you” last week. At all. I do not see what you’re talking about.
Seriously, it’s super selfish to do that. “
Until now, it was probably you who supported each other in difficult timesbut now that you are separated, you can not take on this role anymore.
Here, my freshness of life, I hope that these few tips will allow you to approach this test with serenity and to offer to your ex the rupture that it deserves.
Of course, this article does not apply in case you leave a dark asshole that has made your life hell. In this case, a bloody horse’s head placed in his bed will suffice.
And you, do you have any advice to take a break? Or stuff that feels the experience that must be avoided?